"After spending an evening at the library carefully planning a repertoire of STI jokes that could easily slide into every conversation, I heard the most hilarious news of all: Cornellians were starting to “hypothesize” (read: gossip our cold-sored little mouths off) about the source of the syph epidemic. Each rumor seemed more bizarre than the last: a single freshman frattress infecting a brotherhood. (fratress: synthesis of “frat” and “mattress.” Does not refer to the ones on sale at Serta.) An orgy club that met online. And, my personal favorite: the sauna air at an Ithaca gym, as if media has twisted our terror-ridden minds to believe that the syph is now airborne. Personally, I think we should stop looking to blame other people and get wise to the real route of our problem: Ruloff’s inability to keep the women’s restroom condom basket filled.
The Best Part About Being a Virgin Is Not Getting Syphilis
Deep in the Adirondacks Cornell University is battling an STD outbreak. One student offers an easy solution in a school where nerds have gone wild and the saunas may be dangerous. From The Cornell Daily Sun.