Summer’s soft parade unfolds in New York City. A park patrol officer who serves summonses, enforces ordinances, and keeps creepy pervs off the playground is making the rounds. They notice something rather unusual. The public servant shouts out, “Hey, if you don’t put some clothes on, I’m calling the police.” In the corner of Columbus Park, an old Chinese man was sunbathing butt naked on a public soccer field. Strange quality of life issues pop up unexpectedly when things get cooking over 100 degrees. Heat causes a lot of problems.
Behind the Law and Order courthouses in Manhattan, there’s a marvelous big park. Along its shaded sidelines, a few female teenagers are engrossed on their phones. There’s a lot at stake here. Losing their minds, giving it everything it takes, they vamp it up and get twerking to create personas and make social statements for TikTok and Instagram. A tremendous amount of talent is needed to mimic America’s Got Talent B-list celebrities seeking A-list status wins for the golden buzzer awards.
Summertime fun. Let’s digress for a moment with an annual rant, as parents send their kids off to camp or after completing a successful bull run honoring Saint Fermin’s martyrdom feast on the streets of Pamplona. Speaking of "the runs," has anyone else caught that explosive bug? We need Diarrhea Awareness Week. What about nausea caused by the pain of celebrity wedding gossip? Many would agree, swimming in today’s social circles is a far cry from the days of Andy Warhol’s publishing institution Interview. Our current cultural scene, obsessed with parasocial relationships, has fallen overboard without a life preserver. At one point, newspapers, magazines and television held the ancient gossip reins. What would a Bennett Cerf, Liz Smith or Cindy Adams say, I wonder? When media’s endless barrage of garbage leads to praise reaching a saturation point, you need a lifeline.
There’s nothing to get excited over looking at new incomprehensible social trends. For example, the looksmaxxing craze in which a guy uses a hammer to smash his face. Oh no. For goodness’ sakes, maybe daytime television shows could investigate this chamber of horrors’ root causes. The View staff should feature special therapy and detox counseling; include a séance session channeling Jerry Springer to spark awareness about the dilemma. Or maybe, people are narrow-minded and don’t care anymore. They love the gawk factor. There’s no going backwards.
Back to a hot afternoon working the sports desk. Everything looks green out on the basketball courts. There’s a large field of artificial turf grass that’s a spongy walk. The area’s full of teams and fitness fanatics doing workouts. One naturally understands the importance of cultivating working relationships with your teammates. Skilled companions help join forces. They quickly reframe a situation for a win. That’s fine, except you won’t find that here. Sloppy fouls are constantly flagged.
Errors on all sides in every game, the referee relentlessly blows the whistle all afternoon until they’re out of breath. The players feel pressured, but that’s fine. A basketball forward jumps into the air, shoots and scores. Meanwhile, a volleyball spike hits the ground. A soccer player’s perfect line of scrimmage executes a goal. High-fives abound. Along the park’s perimeter at an outside cafe table, moments are filled with excitement as a restaurant patron’s leashed Rottweiler enjoys its tireless efforts destroying a Home Depot bucket. Applause. The dog ripped apart an entire red plastic container, its pieces scattered across the sidewalk. The now-quiet sleeping canine doesn’t realize a spider’s crawling across my checkered table cloth.
I make a rational decision not to squish the eight-eyed bug after it gave me a hairy eyeball. I’ve also noticed in the heat, conversation can reach a high point and goes something like this:
“Hi. How are things?”
“Great. Everything’s going good.”
“Great.”
“Guess you’re okay.”
“Yes. Thanks.”
No need to follow up. Considering the basic layers of social interaction, we learn our own capacity and special ways to deal with daily insanity. On long weekends and sleepy vacation stays, we think about summer concerts from the past. Big clouds form against the blue sky. Puffy cumulonimbus tower high forming an image of a band returning to the stage. Although they didn’t play the song at Woodstock, wouldn’t it be great to hear The Who perform “Boris the Spider”? Pop in the AirPods.
Look, he’s crawling up my wall
Black and hairy, very small
Now he’s up above my head
Hanging by a little thread
Ah, what about some simple perks that come with summer? Pick a poison: an organic matcha latte with cold almond milk or a refreshing iced tea? Feeling lightheaded, now kick back to allow a decrease in intelligent decision-making. Drifting along, plan for wishful sinful food for thought. If you believe in impossible things coming true, maybe they will.