Wednesday morning. A blanket of gray covered Jules’ hillside neighborhood. It was always strange for Jules the transplant to see palm trees against the backdrop of a gray sky, but the late-fall and winter months brought these mornings to Santa Barbara, just like anywhere else. As Jules waited for Reva and Becca to arrive, he took his late-morning walk.
As he strolled, he drifted into a memory of a day from what seemed like a century ago when he was married to Lisa and Reva was in first grade. 1979. The day returned to him from time to time, whenever he was about to see Reva again. Maybe it stood out because it represented so much of his life with Lisa and young Reva. The typical complications of domestic life; and then Reva being so at peace and content during that pony ride.
A November Saturday. Six-year-old Reva hadn't been sleeping well for about a month. She’d been spooked by Halloween and had been interrupting their sleep for the following month. That morning, Jules awoke having finally slept well. He made French toast for himself and Reva. Lisa wanted to make her own because she was dissatisfied with the previous batch. Wally the dachshund had stomach problems, both diarrhea and vomit. Lisa just had the diarrhea. She decided she’d stay home with Wally.
Jules drove Reva an hour northeast to a horse ranch in Central Jersey. Reva loved ponies. Jules arranged for her to have a morning pony ride. The pony was named Little Richard. Reva rode for about 40 minutes. She was delighted and chattering with Emma, who led Little Richard around the grounds. She gave the pony big hugs at the end of the visit. Jules felt a wave of catharsis move through his chest. Making his daughter happy made him genuinely happy.
They went to the playground nearby. It was a mostly positive experience. Reva was already getting to be on the bigger side for some playgrounds. As he watched her, he felt a tinge of nostalgia for when she was waddling around as a three-year-old, but Jules was grateful to have made it to elementary school. They went to the supermarket on the way home. A few lunch items. From the back seat, Reva began to complain about having to do an errand. Jules, tired of the recent complaining, sent a clear message to her that all of life would not about fun times, nor would it all focused on her entertainment.
He told her, “No fussing about having to go into the market together. We all need food.” He’d said this kind of thing 20 times in the previous year and he might say it 80 more times in the next few years.
Jules and Reva went back to eat lunch with Lisa. Lisa ate with them and then Reva and Lisa snoozed together, while Wally moaned about his stomach. Just as he was about to fall into a comfortable nap, too, Lisa urged them to leave. They had a plan to eat dinner at an Italian restaurant together. They drove to a beautiful lookout spot to watch the sunset. It was serene for a few moments. Reva the six-year-old wasn’t so interested. Then they drove down from the lookout spot on the hillside toward dinner, 40 minutes away. Jules didn’t complain. A winding road cut across the valley. Lisa was falling asleep in the passenger seat.
Jules made up a story for Reva in the back seat about three otters that had to cross some rapids in a forest. One otter was terrified and wouldn't cross. The other two otter brothers, Odysseus and Oliver, had crossed the rapids already but Oswaldo wouldn't budge and was working himself up into a panic. A magical tree branch fell from the sky. It just happened to be long enough to form a natural bridge. Despite his anxiety, Oswaldo, while keeping his eyes on his kind brother Oliver, finally made it across. The otters all gave each other high-fives and went on their way, and Jules, Lisa and Reva finally made it to the restaurant.
It was an Italian restaurant that emphasized their wood-fired pizzas and big portions. Lisa ordered spaghetti and meatballs. Jules ordered a simple cheese pizza to share with Reva, who refused any toppings. Reva wouldn’t sit calmly in the booth, bopping around with overtired energy. Lisa was exhausted and irritable (having been up early with the sick dog.) Lisa became annoyed that Reva was annoyed. Lisa didn’t like the Jules had threatened that Reva needed to decide to calm her body down and sit in the booth with them at the restaurant or they’d leave and bring the food home. Bringing food home was always the easier option with a six-year-old, except it never tasted the same20 minutes later. Lisa wanted to be out together because she was cooped up for the first half of the day. Finally, the food arrived and Reva settled down.
They made a plan to stop at the bookstore nearby and then get ice cream before heading home. The bookstore had just closed, and Reva had a meltdown. Ten hysterical minutes later, Reva was slumped over in her car seat and they were going to the ice cream place. Jules waited in the car with the sleeping Reva while Lisa ordered the ice cream. When she returned to the car, Reva rubbed her eyes, half-awake. Lisa handed her a cup of mint chip ice cream and sat down next to her in the back seat. Reva was quiet for the first time all day. They drove home in silence. The next sound Jules heard from the back seat was the scraping of Reva’s spoon against the bottom of the to-go cup.
They got home. Wally had more diarrhea. Reva had accidentally left the fridge door open while before they’d left. Lisa was cleaning up Wally’s awful swamp. Jules complained about the janky fridge door. Lisa went in on Jules about how he always had to criticize something. As if he'd been complaining the whole day. Jules thought he’d been neutral or positive on most of the annoyances of the day, so he felt especially frustrated to be told he was being critical again. He told Lisa about confirmation bias and how she wasn't being fair. She expected him to be critical and waited for him to say anything negative and then pounce.
Jules insisted he’d give Reva her bath even though Reva was trying to insist that Lisa give her a bath as usual. Reva’s little body was getting bigger. Lisa had shown Reva how to wash her private parts, but she kept doing it for her anyway. Reva lay down in the very-warm-but-not-scalding water and her face went from anguished to calm. A bath was good for anxiety. Jules wished Lisa allowed herself to take baths.
Jules read Reva her bedtime story. She wanted a family hug as she fell asleep. She was happy they were all together.
Jules hadn’t heard from Lisa for years after she’d moved to Barcelona in 1987. The beginning of his new life—just him and Reva. Lisa wrote letters to Reva on her birthday and wired money back to Jules for Reva. Jules remembered Reva in her room, in high school, receiving the letters. She stomped up to her room, read the letters, screamed for a while, and then Jules could hear her crying as she listened to her records.
In high school, on Sundays, Jules brought Reva to ride horses whenever she got too depressed. The memory of six-year-old Reva riding that pony always came back to Jules. It helped reassure him he’d been a good father, despite it all.