Late-2025 has been relentless. Soon after earning a college degree in May, I returned to the always unpredictable world of freelance media work for the first time in nine years. Luckily the jobs came fast. Extensive travel played a big role in my weekly routine. It’s rewarding work, but often exhausting and disorienting. The inconsistency of hours and geography is just a quirk thanks to steady compensation, something I’ve struggled to maintain professionally throughout my adult life.
In early-October, just when things seemed to be getting “routine,” my dear friend and creative collaborator Ann Everton died in a car accident at 43. Ever since then I’m often thinking to myself, ”Ann Everton died? What the fuck?” I’ve known a fair amount of unstable people in my life, and too many (especially artists) who died young, but I can honestly say that Ann—the biggest “health nut” I ever met, a yoga teacher who never had drug problems or any serious physical ailment—is one person I never thought would pass away in the prime of life.
As the immediacy of death and life collide, as an old friend’s lost and a new career begins, my dreams are as plentiful as the freelance assignments and mysteries of 2025. One recent dream took place in a familiar beloved part of my subconsciousness. That familiarity was soon smashed by extremely unfamiliar tension.
The dream starts off normally. I’m walking along a nameless rural road near my home in late-fall. A white sun’s glare illuminates the clear blue sky. Burnt orange leaves dangle and tumble, brittle and crunchy, tossed and shaken by the wind. In the distance I hear the sound of gun shots and howling dogs (fall is the open season on turkey and deer up in my corner of the northeast US). The weather’s crisp, but temperate. This is my favorite season and favorite kind of weather, so dreams often take me to this rambling autumnal utopia.
Turning on to a side street I notice a tall lanky adult standing several feet away. Other than the two of us there are no other people nearby. This person wears sunglasses, hunting gear, and thick winter clothes which conceal their identity. The anonymous adult pulls tightly on a leash connected to a collar wrapped around the neck of a full-sized grizzly bear. Another grizzly bear, a wild one sans collar, is fighting with my neighbor’s (presumably) domesticated pet grizzly. My neighbor keeps pulling on the pet bear’s collar, trying in vain to get it to stop fighting with the wild grizzly.
If this were happening in reality we’d split before the grizzly battle began. The close presence of bears alone is terrifying for most humans. But dream logic is always more interesting than reality. So the two of us just stand there fearlessly watching the hairy behemoths roaring against the wind, thrashing each other with massive claws. Perhaps the strangest part of the dream is that neither bear was bleeding or injured.
Their conflict was never resolved as the dream faded soon after the grizzly fight began.
So why are these deadly creatures causing subconscious drama? Chamberlain, South Dakota’s Aktá Lakota Museum & Cultural Center has one of many answers to the question: The bear, mató represents a masculine character and is known for healing and knowledge. The bear is chief of the underground supernatural forces... Because bears… are one of the few wild animals who use medicine on themselves, bears are thought to be the chief healers among animals... If a man dreamed of bears, he was expected to behave aggressively when needed and be fearless, yet he should also show unusual kindness, be peaceful when he could…
Meanwhile, new age perspectives and pop philosophy merge in the work of Glam self-help writer Krystle Vermes whose recent piece on bear symbolism focuses on emotional dream influences: If your bear-centric dreams have felt more like nightmares lately, there could be good reason for that too... If the bears you've been seeing while sleeping are aggressive, you could benefit from being more calm during your waking hours—anger or resentment may be running the show.
The Cut recently published an interview with professional dream analyst/author Lauri Quinn Loewenberg who had this explanation for dreams involving bears who wander near peoples’ homes: What that tells me is that the bear represents someone within the household… In that case, you need to ask yourself: Is it me, or is it someone in my household who is being very difficult to bear right now?
Throughout the fall I felt overwhelmed by the push and pull of different responsibilities taking me in different directions, especially soon after the work day’s end when I’d be in a contemplative mood at home. If the savage battle dream represents anything in my life, it’s the sprawling cluster of emotional baggage that flooded every part of my consciousness circa Autumn 2025.