23. Starting a food fight at Chuck E Cheese but escalating it to a full on, brass-knuckle brawl.
22. Pretending to film a mocking Five-Hour Energy commercial.
21. The World’s Strongest Man.
20. Stripping stark naked and spray-painting yourself mauve.
19. Blindfolded, hands-free ATV thrill ride in Trenton, New Jersey rush-hour traffic.
18. Juggling shrunken.
17. All-you-can-drink Absinthe shooters night at the local speakeasy.
16. Shaving a likeness of the cover art from Hermaphrodite, Eric Copeland’s 2007 solo album, into your chest hair.
15. Manic air-keytar soloing.
14. Slip’N’Slide slathered with packing peanuts, Brylcreem, lard.
13. Accelerated Frankenstein-monster clowning and/or re-enactments of select, scenes from Weird Science.
12. A spirited game of bumper cars, only with real cars on an actual interstate highway.
11. Head-butting competitions.
10. Superhuman, game-changing Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest victory.
9. Snorting lines of thermite off of a stranger’s toilet seat, in the dark, with snuff as a chaser.
8. Hurling your television set across the living room
7. Gratuitous fruit-bowling.
6. Microwaving sterno cans.
5. Silly-stringing beat cops.
4. Multi-frame Hamsterdance overdose.
3. Fast-forwarded nonsensical Jackass/Double Dare marathons after which you excitedly try and fail to synopsize everything.
2. Projectile-vomiting paintballs choked down with guacamole on a dare.
1. Couch-diving sans actual couches.