The SEC + Sex = How Not to Surf for Porn in 2010

One thing I didn’t learn in school was not to look at pornography on my work computer. I just kind of figured that one out on my own. I’m not overly concerned with first impressions, but sitting at my desk flicking the bean isn’t what I’m going for.

In a time when millions of Americans cannot get work, the people who are undeniably partially responsible for the market meltdown have nice cushy jobs and other interests in mind. I’m finding a slight bit of irony in the fact that the SEC’s current big bust is against McGinn, Smith & Co Inc. They’re exposing the Albany, NY based brokerage firm for selling unregistered debt offerings to fund its operations and to hire strippers. Do you know what kind of pervs they have at the SEC? The best kind there are.

Thirty-three SEC employees are being disciplined in various ways for surfing porn at work. Of those, 31 of the offenders acted in the past two and a half years and more than half them make between $99,000 and $223,000 annually. While, Wall Street was collapsing, Bernie Madoff was treating thousands of investors like prison bitches and the U.S. and world financial markets were getting frantic like Kirstie Alley at a buffet.

One SEC employee was blocked from porno sites 18,000 times in a two-week span. Did she do anything else? Eat? Sleep? That seems like a lot of time invested. I’m sure she’s already done what the cool kids do and checked into sex rehab. How in the world did she actually make 18,000 attempts at viewing dirty naked delight? I think that’s faster than a 13-year-old can text. This is only the beginning of what I see as a preventative measures fail. This chick also had 600 pornographic images saved on her hard drive. We’re not done yet though. A senior attorney admitted to downloading your dad’s favorite thing up to eight hours a day. He downloaded so much that he accumulated boxes of CDs and DVDs because his hard drive was full. That’s a lot of T&A or A or P or what have you.

I can’t even get on Facebook much less megaslut.com. If I tried, whatever booby trap secret alarm would sound and I’d be confronted about inappropriate use of company computers. How does someone get away with such blatant behavior with all the systems put in place that companies spend assloads of money on? They have stricter Internet monitoring measures for employees at Game Stop than at the SEC. This is a little disconcerting given the task that the SEC is supposed to undertake. Did I mention that 17 of the people being punished are senior staff?

I’m seeing a lesson in all of this. What did we learn? I’m sure that all of the people facing the above allegations have smart phones. You can get porn on those. They’re smart. Smarter than you porning it up on your office computer.