Tranny is the New Black

“Cause if u like it then u shoudda put a ring on it. If u like it then u shoudda put a ring on it, wha-oh-oh-oh” !

Girrrl I can’t get Beyonce’s new joint “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)” out of my head. I mean, the song is majorly dumb and it just like drones on and on, but whatever. Yay Beyonce.

The video, though, is tranny fierceness. It’s a black and white dance-themed video with these like three bitches dressed in black leotards, stilettos and up-dos, just stilettoin’ around and flyin’ all over the place. I mean they are serious about burnin’ that dance floor down!

But one of the dancers in the video is just a little too fierce. According to Bossip, Just Jared and other highly credible media channels, one of the three broads is not an actual broad but a dude in drag. How fun is that? The bloggeratti claim the culprit is Jaquel Knight, a choreographer of the dance in “Single Ladies.” If it’s true, I guess that explains why there is never a still moment in the video!

Can’t let the tranny out of the bag!

More often than not, peeps—especially straight peeps—equate being in drag with being a woman. But nothing could be more wrong. Women are, like, real. Drag is about entertainment, artifice, splendor, livening up the party. If you want to liven up a party, invite some drag queens! Want to shoot a video with a bitch who will set the stage on fire? Hire a drag queen! One of my good friends, A.K.A. Leveitra Champagne, is a drag queen. He tells me about how often people think that his drag act is equal to him wanting to be a woman.

“Honey, I’m not tryin’ to grow a vagina. I just want to be fierce.”

Drag is not about rejecting gender roles or adopting new ones. It’s about theater.

Even still, no community is more drunk on prescribed gender and sexual roles than the black community. My step-daddy tried his hardest to raise me to be a “real man.” Now I just sleep with them.

I guess that’s what really surprises me about Trannygate: the possibility that Beyonce, who has an astronomical following in the black community, would put a dude in a dress in her vid.            I expect this from Madonna, maybe even Britney. But Beyonce? Doesn’t she worry that such a move would compromise her fan base? Will she take the dude on tour with her? Is she trying to raise the visibility of drag queens?

There have been a lot of trannies, drag queens and gender defiant people in pop culture recently. Tranny is the new black! Bravo’s Project Runway had a competition where the designers had to make drag queen outfits. Our National Drag Queen Extraordinaire Tyra Banks put a tranny on this season’s ANTM. Hell, even her runway coach—Miss Jay—is a dude. And though not a complete tranny, that kid Onch from Paris Hilton’s My New BFF was totally gender queer. He was small, Asian, wore pounds of make-up, and ended up being more effeminate than a track of weave. Once on BFF, Onch went dancing and this hot str8 jocky dude started dancing up on him without realizing that he was a he. Of course when he did find out, the str8 was all: “Whoa whoa whoa! I’m not like that.”

It’s so hilarious to me how often people will say that they aren’t like that—as if being gay or trans were a horrible disease—just to protect some pristine image of masculinity or whatever. “Yo, Bro. I can’t be into dudes cause I’m straight as all fuck. Pussy, pussy, pussy!”

I think the real reason people (read: str8 men) are getting so up in arms about this Dude In The Beyonce Video is that...he looks good! I mean, just like the other bitches to his left, he too has his coochie all open and exposed. And just like the other broads, he too is all oiled up and shaking his fat ass up in the air. Straight guys, particularly black straight guys, all across the country are seeing this video and suddenly halting all masturbation, unsure what to do next.

Maybe my position is too extreme, but I think that people aren’t attracted to one another based on sexual orientation alone. It’s not that straight guys like women just because they’re female. It’s because they are attracted to the idea of femininity, no matter the actual gender of the person. Why else do so many straight guys act all crazy if they find out that a girl they see in a picture or in a video is really a dude? You could say that we’re attracted to the femaleness or maleness of the person, maybe even fascinated by how closely the dude can resemble a chick and vice versa. I know that I’ve seen some pretty convincing girls as dudes that I thought were hot. But eew. I wouldn’t, like, completely want to sleep with them or anything. Like all gay men, I wouldn’t know what to do to/with/on/around a vajayjay.

The one thing that worries me about Trannygate is the possibility that it’s a slick PR move: that Beyonce’s peeps decided either to plant a false story or that she copied Tyra purely for media attention. In the end, I don’t think it really matters. ‘Cause girrrrl, that tranny bitch was gettin’ them dance moves, okaaaaay! Now that racism is over, our next move as a progressive, unified nation is to elect a drag queen as president.