Just because most black holes are solar-system-sized maelstroms with reality-warping gravitational pulls doesn't mean you can't have one in your pocket! That's right, just in time for the holidays comes the pocket black hole. Designed by scientists at the Southeast University in Nanjing, China, this eight-and-a-half-inch-wide disk absorbs all the electromagnetic radiation you throw at it, with none of the pesky time dilation and Hawking radiation associated with the larger, interstellar versions.
Science... just stop.
Come on lab guys. Go outside, look around, get a drink. Stop making shit that could kill us all. Also, a theory: Is the Large Hadron Collider caught in its own Grandfather paradox? Hmm...