People who don’t cover their mouths when they cough get on my last nerves! Maybe it’s different if you live in suburbia where things are all spread out and you drive everywhere. But those of us who live fabulous lives in congested, big cities do not want to be exposed to your tuberculosis.
I cross to the other side of the sidewalk when somebody coughs in my path. And if somebody does it on the subway, I throw an accusatory glare, like this. For me, it’s not even as much about fear of spreading germs as it is about good manners.
This is one lack of social etiquette I just don’t understand. It’s common sense if you ask me. You cough, you cover. You pee, you flush. I mean, a cough is unlike other bodily omissions, a fart perhaps, which you can easily do in full secrecy. When you cough, though, everybody knows it’s you, bitch. And your overall carelessness in covering up when you cough reflects poorly on how seriously you take your personal hygiene.
I don’t understand why so many folks are bad at personal cleanliness. These people cannot be trusted. I mean really: if you don’t care enough about yourself to be presentable, why should anybody ever pay you any attention? Once I was talking to a dude with uncontrollable nose hair and I just like, enough! I can’t talk to you anymore until you take some hedge clippers to that face.
There’s a stereotype about gay dudes that we are all obsessed with cleanliness and live in these neat, organized little houses with everything in its right place. And it’s true—we are very clean, and the rest of the world should follow our pristine example. Heaven forbid we get any microbes on our $3000 Rodarte sweaters or otherwise contract an illness from you that will prevent us from wearing it.
Case in point: there’s a coffee shop I go to in Brooklyn that has this delicious banana bread, and the first time I ordered it I asked for a fork. And do you know what? They looked at me like I was a freaking unicorn. Yes I want a fork! Do you expect me to eat this bread with my hands?
Well…I can’t eat with my hands because people like you fucked it up. Oh you know who I’m talking about. I have seen many a dude emerge from a funky bathroom stall without washing his hands. I have seen people pick their nose and eat it. And we have all peed behind people who do not know what “flush” means. Sometimes I even get paranoid when I pee in those weird environmentally friendly waterless urinals because I don’t know what to do to make it go away!
Are we programmed to be paranoid about personal hygiene? Perhaps resistance to covering up is related to your upbringing? I’ll tell you what: I think it’s a cultural thing, mostly. Americans are already known to be lazy fat people, so why would we be clean on top of that? Go to any Nordic or Germanic country and you will see that everything is obsessively clean.
Anyway, I know I’m not alone in my hatred of people who don’t cover when they cough. There’s a Facebook group called “Cover Your Fucking Mouth When You Cough, You Disease Spreading Feral!” And in our post-Swine Flu society, if you live in New York City and you cough on the subway, you might get your ass kicked.
But really, I think people are just too lazy. Too lazy to wash their hands. Too fucking busy to flush the toilet. Too blasé to cover their cough. Come on, people. A little class goes a long way.
