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On Campus
Jul 08, 2008, 06:42AM

Smart, Rich, And Locked Up

Before you get too attached to that upper-crust education, you should know that more Ivy Leagures are currently in prison than ever before. However we're pretty sure they're all still rich, securing their financial futures by stashing their illegally acquired wealth in off-shore accounts.

Tired of running the Fortune 500 and every Scotch bar this side of Broadway, Ivy League grads have now turned their sights on running a new part of the world: prison. According to Bloomberg, Ivy League degrees are papering more cell walls than ever–over a dozen high-level execs from top-ranked schools have been sentenced to prison time in the last decade.

They’re mostly in minimum-security joints for white-collar crimes like embezzlement or fraud, but their sentences can run pretty high. Former Refco CEO Phillip Bennett (with a master’s degree from Cambridge) will soon begin a 16-year sentence for money laundering and bank fraud. He can look forward to jail-yard brawls with the Harvards (Jeffrey Skilling, William Sorin) and the Whartons (Timothy Rigas), two of the least-scary prison gangs ever (for now). It’s hard to tell why smart folks go bad, but, according to Wharton prof Tom Donaldson, “If the devil exists, he no doubt has a high IQ and an Ivy League degree.” Oh crap, he’s onto us! Fortunately, we’ve got this guy on our side.

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