Splicetoday

Music
May 14, 2008, 10:41AM

Stop Listening To Terrible Music

A writer tosses a life-preserver to all of you out there treading water in a sea of musical mediocrity. He says that if everyone worked a little harder to improve their musical taste, we'd all be happier. And indie bands would make more money.

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Photo by isto-ica

"Now that you've made it past the abrasive and shocking title of the article, you're thinking one thing: "Oh no, some pretentious indie-kid is going to barrage me with buzz-bands from atop his vapid pretention-horse." Well Sir or Madam, valid concern. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably think I'm a bastard for writing this article, too. But the thing is, there's a musical epidemic on par with skin cancer or HPV afoot in America.

Although this article could be tossed aside as arrogant condescension by some, I argue that that logic is flawed. There's some music (everything in the first bracket below, for example) that is so utterly soulless and evil that it can no longer be considered a preference. It's objectively bad. If scientists were able to conduct studies, the elements of Danity Kane would neighbor the elements found in cyanide. It transcends debate. Opinions are nonfactors. Certain acts are certifiably awful. And the real crime is - unlike cyanide - huge portions of the U.S. population actively digest these artists and spend money to obtain them.

The system starts with an abortion of a band or artist that's inexplicably popular. From there, the reader is directed to a moderately decent act that is accessible and safe. It's a life preserver. At this point, the reader can wade into safer and less toxic water, finally arriving at "good" artists (third bracket). I tried to use contemporary artists and I picked artists that are universally respected; this is not just me transcribing my iTunes.

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Discussion
  • I'm sorry but The Streets are absolute garbage. His rapping is only interesting because he's British and White.

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  • This is a neat way to break down music though. Great point about Panic At The Disco doing a complete 180 on the legacy of punk, but it was kind of inevitable once people started figuring out a kind of punk music you could have dance parties to.

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  • Contrary to the writer's claims, this is in fact just one dude explaining why his iPod is better than everyone else's. So his being "correct" is only a matter of agreeing with his taste, and I can't abide a guy whose "Great Country" trio includes two Jeff Tweedy bands and no Gram Parsons or Johnny Cash, or a punk list with no Clash, etc etc blah blah. See, my opinions aren't any more valid than his. That's what makes them opinions.

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  • Oh come on. This kind of aesthetic relativism is nonsense. You may not agree with his particular choices, but I do think his basic idea is right on. I'd be surprised if you've ever listened to Rascal Flatts, but they hardly deserve to be considered equal with any of Jeff Tweedy's bands. Of course, he's missing in his analysis a consideration of the psychological comfort people get from listening to music they're familiar with and everyone in their social group is familiar with.

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  • How's the view from your pedestal, Jay?

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  • The writer is auditioning for a spot on the teams that compile meaningless Top 100 lists for Rolliing Stone or Entertainment Weekly. Elvis Presley isn't a *great* solo act? Bob Wills and Merle Haggard aren't *great* country. Bessie Smith isn't *great* just about everything? He did his job, though, sucked me in.

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  • I dont understand what is country about wilco, nothing against them. And I also can't stand those top 100 rolling stone lists. Maybe if they just called it "Why we're irrelevant" i would like it better. But at least this guy didn't do what rolling stone that pisses me off to no end where they include one or two jazz albums, like they actually listen to any jazz besides the big names to sound well-rounded and intelligent.

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  • this is so pointless.

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  • So i wrote this guy an epic letter explaining all the things i thought were wholly wack about this article, but i feel like i'm just fanning the flames of an argument that will never end. Regardless, here it is: dear mr. boller, i could go on about your choices for the "bad/good/great music" categories, but the problem with this article has nothing to do with who you left out of your great/good lists. Your seriousness about the state of todays musical landscape is what bothers me. There have always been record label manufactured groups/artists, and i have no doubt that the current Danity Kanes and Hannah Montana's of the world will go the route of Milli Vanilli, the 1910 Fruitgum Company, and "how much is that doggie in the window?" The reason we have more "bad" music in the year 2008 is because of the sheer amount of information/entertainment that is available to us. The souljah boys and seethers of the world have multiplied because they have been given the chance to. The adventurous and experimental bands have multiplied as well. We're just experiencing an inflation of music. There have always been (and will always be) artists that make music easier for the general public to swallow, and artists that are a little bit more adventurous. People discover about new music not by sitting around listening to geeks who explain in graphic detail the superiority of here comes the indian over strawberry jam at great length while illegally downloading some new obscure band they can mention for five minutes and then put out in the trash with all of the other blog hype superstars. They do it on your own, and they don't need your "life preserver". Additionally, entertainment companies have been making dissent fashionable ever since james dean and jerry lee lewis. This is no new phenomenon. We should not be worrying about the "offensively terrible" music that is popular, or the people who love it. We should be worrying about people like you who consider music a pissing contest instead of a source of enjoyment. but i digress, since this article is so based on opinion, i'll share a little of my own on your choices. shame on you for giving lil' wayne a free pass on "lollipop". if that isn't compromising i don't know what is. didn't a bracket two artist cop a bracket one artist's personal style? and would "crash into me" be any more bearable if conor oberst whelped it out as opposed to dave matthews? i'm sure there are legions of uneducated minnesotians who have seen the light as a result of this article, but you made me want to watch Delta Farce with the sound turned off and Sean Kingston's "beautiful girls" on full volume. sorry for taking up all the space, guys.

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  • hey, has this writer ever heard of reggae and dub?

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  • I don't think he ever suggested that his list of genres was entirely comprehensive. This omission could also be due to the fact that contemporary reggae pretty much sucks.

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  • fine, but he talks about MC5 and Iggy and the Stooges and Hank Williams. besides, for an obvious "expert," he could've included a few more types of music.

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  • snorelock, take it easy with the "I-and-I been in Babylon too long" routine. We get it: you, a 13year-old white Baltimorean, really dig on reggae and dub. Your music and culture will get its due, Rasta.

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  • hey filthy, how do you know the color of my skin? man, you're not funky.

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  • Call it a hunch, Toots.

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  • I agree with Doing Delties. The Streets are god awful.

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  • Rather than pointlessly speculating about a commenter's race, maybe we could steer the conversation back to the content of the article.

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  • "Although this article could be tossed aside as arrogant condescension by some, I argue that that logic is flawed. There's some music (everything in the first bracket below, for example) that is so utterly soulless and evil that it can no longer be considered a preference. It's objectively bad. If scientists were able to conduct studies, the elements of Danity Kane would neighbor the elements found in cyanide. It transcends debate. Opinions are nonfactors. Certain acts are certifiably awful." These few sentences are really insane. Is this meant as a joke? It is "objective" and simultaneously can't be studied but is certifiable?

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  • Also, your "great" category, save a few bands, is my "he spends a lot of time reading pitchfork but still has shitty taste" category. What the hell.

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  • Can't resist weighing in on this one. The writer is intentionally provocative, which is smart, but then makes clear he's fairly ignorant about pop music in the past half century. For example, Grammy nominee lists were always awful. Bob Dylan, at his creative peak, never won a Grammy for his '63-'68 explosion of songs. And Top 40 hasn't mattered, at least in a transistor radio/AM list for several decades.

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  • I'm not worthy! I'm not Worthy!

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